Cocktail Hour, Issue No. 2: Zero-Proof Palomas
This week we learn to stock a sober bar, stack our #TBR pile high, think about Yellowstone the show and place, get a news update, and do some revenge. Plus, lots of cute critters and one 👀 toad!
Happy Friday, y’all. We made it to Cocktail Hour!
Here’s what happened this week in the news: I can now work in my office for more than seven temperate weeks because Lovey and I got heat and AC in the attic! I’ve wanted this for a decade! We hit the debt ceiling *again.*1 That simply means we need to authorize payment of what we’ve already spent. It does not impact future spending. Here’s what happens next.
A romance novelist faked her death; people were not amused. A Detroit brewery released an IPA created by AI, and, apparently, people on TikTok are angry that their martinis don’t fill the whole glass. (While they are stupid, so, too, are martini glasses.) Tressie McMillan Cottom pissed off the blondes by talking about the power and status of blondness (and got banned from TikTok).
More layoffs in the already bleeding tech sector, and 10 mummified crocodiles were unearthed in an Egyptian tomb. Plus, Fritz the baby hippo got a new ball and it’s glorious.
What a week to be alive. I think we need a drink to celebrate.
So many of you thanked me last week for offering a booze-free cocktail, that I thought I’d keep the theme going. Afterall, it’s still Dry January! And, I’ll make sure to incorporate zero-proof options at least once a month going forward.
Ok. Let’s get to it. Cheers!
What I’m Drinking: Zero-Proof Paloma
This week, I mixed up an old favorite from Julia Bainbridge’s book, Good Drinks: Alcohol-Free Recipes for When You’re Not Drinking for Whatever Reason, which is sort of the primary source for booze-free cocktails.
Normally, a paloma is made with tequila, grapefruit juice, lime juice, simple syrup and soda water. Julia's version keeps the grapefruit, lime juice and soda water, but uses a salted rosemary simple syrup to mimic the bite of the tequila. It really works! And while the paloma is typically considered a summer drink, I use its winter citrus to bring a burst of light and joy to our dark, gray days up North.
I only make one small adaptation from Julia’s recipe: I like mine a tad sweeter, so I add a tablespoon of sugar to the Salted Rosemary Syrup. But I suggest you try the recipe as written and try it for yourself. If you want more sweetness, add in simple syrup to taste.
Enjoy! And hey! If you like this or interested in it — or make it! — leave me a comment below. I’d love to hear from you.
Zero-Proof Paloma
2-3 oz. Grapefruit juice
1/2 oz. Lime juice
1/2 oz. Salted Rosemary Syrup
3 oz. Soda water
Directions: Fill a Collins glass – or a mason jar or wine glass – with ice. Add everything but the soda water. Stir until the ice begins to loosen2. (A long handled bar spoon will come in handy here). Then top with soda water and garnish with a grapefruit slice.
How to make the Salted Rosemary Syrup: Combine 3 tbsp. sugar, 1 tsp. Maldon salt and 1 rosemary spring in a saucepan. Add 3 oz. water and bring to a boil, then simmer until salt and sugar are dissolved. Let cool. Bottle and store in the refrigerator. (For my version, I make it with 4 tbsp. of sugar.)
What I’m Reading: January Bar\Heart List
On Tuesday, I published a list of 18 new books to read in January. Not that I’m saying I’ll get all of them read! Just that there are 18 I’m really, really interested in and hope you will be too.
We’ve got a noir thriller in India, an investigation into cobalt mining in Africa, several family sagas, a business murdering husbands, a novel that reimagines desegregation, a treatise on the good life, witches and murder at Yale, gun-toting survivalists in Brooklyn, essays on being Black and female, and so much more.
As always, the list prioritizes books that address our themes of home, community, belonging and identity. I assign bonus points for debut and emerging women+ authors. You can read more about each book here.
You can find this month’s list – and all previous lists – on my shop at Bookshop.org. If you order through them, you are supporting small, independent bookstores. The site takes 10% of sales and divvies it up amongst local bookstores every six months. So far, they’ve sent more than $24 million. You can read more about how it works here.
I am also an affiliate of Bookshop.org, so I receive a small fee from sales made through my page. It doesn’t cost you anything or take away from the bookstores, though! Just want to be upfront with y’all.
What is going on your list? Tell me below!
This Week’s Feels: Correct.
Although, The Overlord, our cat, would argue he needs a raise. His snacks are lacking. But I would argue he needs to provide a better user experience. Once that doesn’t involve staring at me creepily in the middle of the night.
Piece of Advice: How to Stock a Sober Bar
Since we’re on a NA kick, I reached out to Shelley Elkovich, who co-founded zero-proof cocktail company For Bitter, For Worse, with her husband Jeffrey. After a medical scare, she “broke up” with alcohol and they started experimenting with flavors. I figured she’d have some good suggestions on how to stock a sober bar.
What's your go-to drink for happy hour?
FBFW’s Eva’s spritz with a fat orange slice, over ice, in a wine goblet!
What are the alcohol-free essentials you stock in your bar?
Great question! Of course, my own brand has pride of place. I also have a lot of high quality mixers on hand at all times. I admit to being pretty picky. I’m a label-reader who appreciates organic ingredients, and I’m not a fan of “natural flavors” or preservatives, so, tbh, my choices in the category are somewhat limited. But, the good ones are really good!
I love Casamara Club leisure sodas. They use traditional botanicals found in aperitifs — that bitter amaro flavor profile that I love — but their drinks are light, like a really classy LaCroix. I mix them with For Bitter For Worse to lengthen and lighten our cocktails.
I also love Raft cocktail syrups and bitters. It’s a woman-owned brand that uses organic ingredients. I mix Raft with our drinks when I’m in the mood to (literally) shake things up.
Finally, if you like tiki-inspired cocktails, there are two brands I heartily recommend: El Guapo and Small Hand Foods syrups. Both are woman-owned and just impeccable. You can really nerd out on orgeat, falernum, pineapple gum & passionfruit syrups.
Any advice for making a good sober cocktail at home?
It’s all about balance. Sweetness isn’t necessarily bad — it just needs to be balanced with bitter, sour, and even a bit of salt. Try over-steeping tea as a base. Bubbles deliver flavor and texture, as does egg white or aquafaba (the liquid from canned chickpeas).
Finally, booze has “bite.” Consider adding a small amount of vinegar, or fresh ginger, or hot pepper, to get a burn. Good Drinks by Julia Bainbridge is a good book for recipes, and all the recipes are organized by ease or commitment level, which is helpful.
How did you get started?
I’m a lifelong flavor-chaser, so I’ve been making all sorts of concoctions for many years. I also like to think that I’m a good host, so I’d experimented with “mocktails” when serving guests who weren’t drinking, and when I took breaks from alcohol over the years.
When a health challenge caused me to break up with booze, I got serious about making drinks that please me for the various occasions when one might drink alcohol (toasts & happy hour = Eva's spritz; dinner = The Saskatoon; nightcap = Smoky No. 56).
What advice do you have for those going alcohol-free?
All cravings pass. If you’re experiencing a craving, go DO something for 15 minutes or so. Moving your body really helps. When in doubt, dance it out.
How do you balance running a business and a "sparky" relationship, as you describe it on your website? It's so hard!
Ahh, balance. Is there such a thing? I’m not a very moderate person. I work hard & then play hard. For Jeff & me, it’s helpful to physically get away—from the house, the business, etc. We try to take an overnight every month.
Sh*t I Now Know & So Must You: This Toad Exists.
That is all.
3 Things I’m Reading on the Interwebz
Yellowstoned by Garrett Bucks in
. If you know me, you know how much I love to watch Yellowstone. It seems everyone has jumped on the bandwagon and it's now the most popular show in America. But while it's fun and bonkers, the myths it perpetuates are complicated and I have the feels. So does Garrett, who grew up in Montana, where the show is filmed (right near where my parents live). He explores the Western myth, Montana-ness and what Yellowstone has to say about it. It's worth your time.
I understand why the myth is so seductive. Just as the cowboy life allowed Taylor Sheridan to be something more than just a cardiologist’s son, so too does the dream of being a true Montanan offer White people like me not just a home, but an actual identity. It’s our imagined ticket out of being just another White person, just another colonizer.
We’ve been playing this game for decades, too proud to admit that it’s made almost all of us losers. As Kathleen McLaughlin— one of Montana’s great chroniclers of class and inequity— notes, Montana politicians of both parties love to whip up resentment about “Californians” and transplants while still slipping down to the Yellowstone Club for a big money fundraiser. The real culprit—obscene wealth and the system that keeps some people rich and most people poor— never gets challenged, because we’re pacified with the easier and more flattering lie that the problem is some aesthetically tacky newcomer who isn’t a real Montanan like us.
Laura Lippman’s Essay about aging in
. I loved every part of this. I know you will, too.It has taken me more than 40 years, but the singular achievement of my life may be that if I am attacked by a serial killer on a deserted Lovers Lane, I almost certainly will have had dessert. Not cheesecake, because I don’t like cheesecake. Possibly some dark chocolate, preferably with nuts or caramel, or a scoop of Taharka ice cream, an outstanding Baltimore brand, or one of my own homemade blondies, from the Smitten Kitchen recipe.
Maybe a shot of tequila, an excellent digestif. Maybe tequila and a blondie.
But only if I want those things. Many nights, I’m not in the mood for anything sweet after dinner. Every day, one day at a time, one meal at a time, one hunger pang at a time, I ask myself what I really want. I then eat whatever it is.
It is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.
The Instagram Reels Gold Rush by Jacob Sweet. Does Instagram keep force feeding you Reels of people using face filters and other inexplicable content? The creators are doing it for the dollars. The New Yorker has the hows and whys.
The duo had exploited a trend that still baffles them almost a year later. They don’t know who watches their videos and why they choose to do so. Nor do they understand why Instagram pushes their low-effort content to millions of people. But as long as fifteen minutes a day allows them to forgo full-time jobs and focus on music, they will continue to pump out face-filter videos. “I do it every day to make sure I can pay my rent, dude,” Koch said.
What I’m Bingeing: Do Revenge on Netflix
Okay, so this came out last year, and friend of Bar\Heart Shana told me all about it then. Raved about it, actually, and then sent me this missive on why it’s so great. Then Bar\Heart went on hiatus, and I promptly forgot about both the show and her hysterical review. So I’m reviving it. Lovey and I just finished rewatching the entirety of Game of Thrones, so I need a little less death and a little more GenX perfection. Enjoy!
Take it away, Shana …
“Why is it always your first instinct to light someone’s hair on fire?’
“Why isn’t it yours?”
Netflix’s Do Revenge is a love letter to the teen movies of the late ’80s and ’90s. Pissed off teenagers in perfect lip gloss and aspirational fashion battle it out for the class crush, plot revenge and get a makeover. ALWAYS a makeover. And following tradition, parents only exist in theory. It’s damn near perfect.
I’m not even getting into more of the plot; it’s twisty and I don’t want to spoil anything. But there are loving nods to so many movies, including Clueless, Heathers and Cruel Intentions. But there are a lot of great updates. Not everybody is white; not everybody is straight; and the teens (well, some of them) even apologize for their actions. There’s an emotional support lizard, fully serving looks in all of her scenes. The cliques include Instagram witches, horny theater kids and a farming group in matching fashion overalls.
The clothes are killer: The school uniforms are a pastel preppy dream including berets and capelets! The music features LOTs of teen movie classics, peppered in with Le Tigre, Hole and Billie Eilish. The cast features Sarah Michelle Gellar as the icy-but-wise headmaster. If they’d like to make that a spinoff, I’m all in. She’s so damn good.
Fine, I lied about spoilers. Fuck boy Max is a despicable little shit. Absolutely dripping in Spader vibes. He’s described as a manic pixie dream boyfriend; he’s actually a nightmare, all Harry Styles wardrobe and smarm. He’s certainly no Lloyd Dobbler.
Weekly Cute Critter: The Overlord
You tell him he’s not working hard enough! Also, that toe floof!
Okay, ya’ll. That’s it for this week. See you next Friday for Cocktail Hour.
For example, if your college-aged kid charges up their emergency credit card, you could scream I don’t authorize this, I won’t pay! But you know who doesn’t care? The credit card company. They expect payment through actual cash dollars or through a pound of flesh, aka you and your kid defaulting and having terrible credit.
The debt-ceiling fight is samesies. We can argue about whether we should have spent the money or not – did your kid spend it on an emergency text book or luxe jello shots? Was pandemic relief that kept people from starving worth future debt? – but it has been authorized and spent. Our global debt holders don’t care. Either we raise the debt ceiling so we can pay our bills or we risk our good credit and reputation.
The discussion over priorities and what we spend on in the future is for another day.
That means the ice is slightly melting and your drink is getting aerated and diluted. This is a good thing. Home bartenders often underestimate the power of water in a drink.
" We hit the debt ceiling *again.*"
Is that a domestic politics or household statement, given the previous sentence about the newly installed (YAAAAAAY) attic heat?
2 things:
- Our cat, Overlord, must have that toad as a close companion.
- I loved how Garrett Buck's took Taylor Sheridan down a few notches.